Tales of The Brunch Club 050 “How Do You Like Your Eggs?”

Bahir drawing for dnd podcast cover art

Listen Here

Listen on YouTube

Transcript

Welcome to Episode 50 of the Rescued by Dragons fantasy fiction podcast, Tales of the Brunch Club. Thank you to those who have supported us thus far!

My name is Brian Messmer and I am not only your storyteller but the dungeon master behind the homebrew Dungeons and Dragons campaign this adventure is based on. Please join me as I tell the tale of how my players, and the dice, ruined and improved my perfectly laid plans.

But first, a quick recap…

The Brunch Club continued their journey to the Fey touchpoint, searching for a place to rest in the mountains. During their search, Elora spotted a cave, which the party decided to investigate. The cave stank, and they could hear a faint rumbling noise from within.

Diesa scouted ahead, entering a cavern laden with treasures, most notably an enormous greatsword. The rogue spotted a large beast with white-blue fur, sleeping soundly in a distant corner. She attempted to creep back to the others to report her findings, but knocked an icicle across the cavern. The creature she had spotted remained asleep, but a larger beast arose from deep within the cavern, immediately paralyzing Diesa with its chilling gaze. Although frozen, she was able to release a strained, desperate yell for help.

On Elora’s command, SAM ran into the cavern to find Diesa being slashed by a giant Wendigo, and soon the remaining members of the Brunch Club raced in to her rescue. They made quick work of disposing the two monsters, and were able to save Diesa from a close brush with death.

After a brief rest, they then pressed onward into the mountains, eventually coming across an encampment with four ettins waiting around a fire. To avoid confrontation, they decided to climb a steep hill in the distance that led to a flat, snowy plateau.

The party may have been able to successfully evade the ettins, but they instead found themselves face-to-face with a giant Behir.

Episode 50: “How do you like your eggs?”

The Behir hissed. The huge reptilious creature was electric blue, with shining gradient scales. Its enormous tale swung weightily back and forth, and it bore long, sharp fangs. An electric current seemed to surround the creature.

“Imminent danger!” Shouted SAM, as his new companions took a ready stance. Elora quickly set one of her arrows aflame and shot at the enormous creature.

The arrow blazed past SAM, glancing off of the Behir’s scales with little effect.

“It is too late to go back to the hill giants?” Jory asked as Diesa drew her crossbow and shot at the Behir, sinking a bolt into its chest. The Behir hissed, but seemed altogether unaffected by the attack.

“…I guess so,” Jory moaned, reaching for his darts.

Reacting quickly, Salys and Drusilla began to bring their magical abilities to bare. Drusilla’s brow furrowed as she muttered an incantation, blessing herself, Diesa, and Salys.

Salys glanced up at her elvish companion in gratitude as her hands began to glow. Raising her hands before her, a green blast emanated from her fingertips, the bright sphere blasting toward their reptilious foe. To her dismay, the blast flew wayward, missing the Behir and exploding into a distant snowdrift.

Elora steadied her bow once again, taking aim at the Behir and loosing an arrow. Despite the sheer magnitude of her target, the arrow’s fate was similar to that of Salys’ chromatic orb – it flew to the side, missing the Behir and burying itself deep within the snow.

“DANGER!” Cried SAM as he leapt at the Behir. The robot grappled for a hold on its scales, and with a heave propelled himself onto the giant creature’s rearing back.

“Please. Stop. Moving.” He muttered as he scaled up the Behir’s neck, getting as close as he could to its head. Despite the Behir’s lack of cooperation, he was able to steady himself.

With two hands holding the neck of the beast, SAM used another of his two hands to grasp his greatsword. He swung, aiming for its left eye. As he swung, the Behir thrashed his neck, throwing SAM off balance and thwarting his attack.

The robot holding onto its neck seemed to disturb the giant beast, and it continued to throw its neck back and forth, trying to dismount his rider. Using his distraction to their advantage, the grounded members of the party rushed to attack.

Diesa quickly drew her axe, charging at the Behir’s hind legs. She swung, but as she did the Behir shifted its stance. Diesa lurched forward and her axe sank into the snow. Salys shot another green, magical blast at Behir, which missed and dissipated into air.

Drusilla shot a bolt of radiant light from her fingertips, which shot through the air at the Behir. On impact, the beast unleashed a piercing shriek and thrashed again. SAM clung tightly to its neck, his metallic frame clanking against the beast’s hard scales.

Jory charged at the Behir, zig-zagging toward his target. As he ran, he seemed to evaluate the flow of energy coursing through the Behir’s body, and he quickly struck several of the Behir’s pressure points. But, he wavered. Just millimeters off target, he missed three of his strikes.

“Take this!” He shouted, landing his fourth strike. Jory’s pointer finger dug into a pressure point with deadly precision.

The Behir was stunned by the blow. Quick to identify his opportunity, SAM rose his greatsword above his head once more, driving the blade deep into the eye of the beast. Blood exploded from its eye socket, staining the snow beneath the Behir.

Moments later, an arrow sunk deep into the creature’s neck. SAM looked briefly down at the arrow and back toward Elora.

“Your talent moves me.” The Robot shouted mechanically as Elora reached for another arrow.

From behind Elora, Salys sent a magical blast of darts at the Behir, which erupted as they made contact with its scales. At long last, the Behir was beginning to look rough. The electrical current surrounding the creature seemed weakened, and its scales cracked in several places. The Behir’s eye socket continued to ooze.

Jory attempted to steady himself, charging at the Behir. He swung several times at the Behirs hindquarters, but they seemed to have little effect. The time hardened scales proved difficult to get through.

“What the hell!” Jory exclaimed, angered by his missed opportunity for glory. Exasperated, he retrieved his Bota Bag from his satchel, taking a giant swig. As he drank, he angrily swung his free arm at the Behir’s butt. To his surprise, he heard a giant crunch beneath his fist. He choked briefly on his drink as the Behir roared in agony, crumbling into the ground.

As the head of the beast fell, SAM stepped gracefully from its snout onto the ground, the snow crunching beneath his metallic feet.

“Danger averted.” SAM said, blood dripping from his new greatsword.

The group decided to harvest what parts of the Behir they could, retrieving long, sharp teeth from its mouth and carefully carving one of its lightning glands from its throat. It was tedious work, but they were able to collect what they hoped would be a fruitful bounty.

Salys knelt to the ground, inspecting the Behir’s gaping eye socket.

“I kind of want to drink its blood,” she mused, swiping her finger into the crimson liquid and giving it a sniff. As she raised her finger to her tongue, the group heard a loud crunch from the distance.

“What was that?” Elora asked, gazing back in the direction they had come from. It sounded like someone, or something, was stomping through the snow. Soon, they could hear a loud grunting.

Quickly, the party darted behind the body of the Behir, noting how suspect a giant, gutted Behir would appear in the middle of a snowy plane. Slowly, Salys poked her head from behind the creature, trying to remain concealed.

“Yep. We’ve got company.” She whispered to the group. Two enormous giant heads emerged from behind the snowdrift, attached to the same set of shoulders.

The hideous giant heads conversed briefly as they stared at the corpse of the Behir before them, eyes growing wide as it made a dim assessment of the carnage. Slowly, the heads lowered back down, and the group could hear them scraping their way back down the embankment.

“I think one giant monster battle was plenty for the day,” Diesa lamented as the sound of the footsteps receded into the distance.

“What should we do?” Jory whispered.

Elora’s eyes traced the snow, trailing into the distance. “I think there’s a path over this way.” She said, and started marching off, away from the giants. The group willfully followed.

Their boots crunching through the snow, they soon found themselves facing a narrow path along the face of a cliff. Jory gulped, and Copper whined softly as Elora secured a rope around the giant wolf.

Drusilla eyed Jory. “Feeling brave?” She asked, and Jory took a deep swig from his Bota Bag.

“Um, no. No not really.” He answered, desperation in his voice.

“Come on! You just vanquished a Behir! You got this.” Salys coaxed. Jory reached for his Bota Bag, taking several more deep, ungratifying gulps of liquid before creeping out onto the path and slowly inching his way across the trail.

“It seems… okay,” He shouted back to the group above the howling wind. Beads of cold sweat fell down the side of his face, and his legs trembled.

Slowly, the others began to follow, feeling their way across the path with trepidation. No sooner had they reached the center of the pass, a rustling permeated through the air. Drusilla was the first to look up.

“Are those… nests?” She asked. As the query left her lips, three giant, flying creatures soared out from what were indeed nests at the top of the cliff face. Their bodies and wings looked to be those of a bird of prey, but their heads resembled stags. As they flew down toward the party, the shadows they cast against the cliff face seemed oddly humanoid.

The creatures swept downward, straight toward Jory. The halfling yelped, and Diesa quickly drew her crossbow.

“Back off!” She screamed, releasing an arrow that grazed the beast’s shoulder. Drusilla followed suit, and her spirit raven guardians quickly materialized from thin air, circling around her.

Salys took a moment to evaluate the situation before joining the fray. Instead of trying to damage the ravenous, winged beings, she magically cast an audible illusion, which replicated the screams of the Behir they had heard earlier that day.

For a moment, the creatures seemed to pause, searching the horizon for the source of the noise.

Jory took the moment of pause to grab his darts, throwing several at the flying creature nearest him. The three creatures dove at Jory, their talons tearing into his skin. Jory screamed, nearly losing balance as he teetered at the edge of the cliff face.

As the party desperately continued to attack their pursuers, SAM looked to the cliff face. After a brief computation, he deftly scaled the side of the cliff. When he reached the top, he swung himself over the edge and stood to inspect the enormous nests. Within them were a total of five eggs.

Meanwhile, Salys summoned Pip, who telepathically berated her for bringing him into the frey.

“Oh, look who needs someone to do their dirty work?” He complained, tiny wings beating frantically as he rushed toward one of the beasts. He found grip in one one of them, talons digging into its side.Through pip, Salys cast shocking grasp, immediately killing it.

The beast spiraled downward, its corpse clashing against the cliff face as it fell. Within moments, it had crashed into the snow beneath them where it lay still.

At the top of the cliff, SAM grabbed several of the eggs. His robotic voice rang through the air.

“How do you like your eggs?” He asked, pausing for effect. To his disappointment, neither of the living creatures responded.

“Safe at home, I presume!” He shouted as he tossed two eggs over the side of the cliff. They splattered on the ground below.

The beasts screeched, agonized by the loss of two of their eggs, and quickly rerouted. As they ascended toward SAM, he grabbed another egg from one of the nests.

SAM quickly killed the first of the two beasts, and the other continued its ascent. It let loose another ear piercing screech as it dove at SAM from high in the air. As it collided with him, sparks flew off of SAM’s body.

Below, Elora knocked an arrow, squinting one eye as she followed the movement of the creature with the arrowhead, waiting for the perfect moment. When she released it from her fingertips, it quickly found home in the head of the beast, which fell to its death.

Slowly, SAM descended back down the cliff face. The others panted heavily, recovering from the unexpected encounter.

Jory took another deep swig from his bag. “That was close,” he said.

They slowly worked their way across the path to the other side, where they decided to make camp.

“I have something for you.” SAM said to Jory.

That evening, Jory smiled to himself as he prepared dinner for his friends; scrambled eggs.

Our tale will continue in Episode 51

Episode 50 was written by Dominic White, Bethany Powers, and myself, Brian Messmer.

The audio reording of our DnD game session that inspired this episode will be available on our podcast channel this Thursday under the name, Brunch Club LIVE!

Valuable contributions to the story were added by the role playing of:

The recording of our Dungeons and Dragons game session that inspired this episode will be available on our podcast channel this Thursday under the name, Brunch Club LIVE!

If you enjoyed this podcast, please help us out by sharing it with your friends and rating and reviewing us on your favorite podcast platform. We’d really appreciate it.

More information about Rescued by Dragons and ways to support and follow us can be found at RescuedByDragons.com.

Thank you for listening, and please join me next week to see what my players’ choices, and the roll of the dice, have in store.